True newspaper clippings.
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1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
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AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
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SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
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FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG
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2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
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TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
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COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
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83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000
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STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15
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FREE PUPPIES: COCKER SPANIEL - SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
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FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.
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SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents
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GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
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FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
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FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
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FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
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NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED CALL CHUBBIE
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BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
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SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
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FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE.. BETTER BE REWARD.
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HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
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GET A LITTLE JOHN: THE TRAVELING URINAL HOLDS 2 BOTTLES OF BEER.
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HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
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GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
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NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINED
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FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
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AMERICAN FLAG 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100
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TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
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NOTICE: TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE: PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.
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EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.
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OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
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JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
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LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
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ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
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GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.
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GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
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BAR S SLICED BOLOGNA REGULAR OR TASTY SAVE 30 CENTS ON 2
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OPEN HOUSE BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
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KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box
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FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.
I thought these were funny. It wouldn't go to my pictures though. You didn't seriously think I'd post a real journal did you?
*People keep asking me where I get these so I thought I'd say it now, I got it from comedycentral.com*
